I Think I'll Hold It Θ Θ

I realize that I may live "way out there in the boonies" now. But I never believed that I was that far outta the Metroplex till I went to a festival on the town square this weekend.

I'm hoping this really wasn't their idea of public restrooms:




~~Rockwall Town Square, Art Fest, 9/22/07

An airline 1st

I got to the airport with no problem (tell Hany thanks again!!), but found a long security line. No biggie, since I had plenty of time and the line was going pretty quickly.

Once I got up to the security line, the woman, who was obviously having a bad Monday morning, grabs my stuff, rips open my zipp lock bag (tore, not just opened) and grabs my face wash. Apparently, it was in a container too large, and it appeared to have an ounce too much in it. Thinking this was no big deal, I apologized a million times, and tried the "oh, I didn't know; but they let me through before; no one said anything in Dallas. . ." excuses. She wasn't having any of it. She threatened to throw me out and call security and then send me back through the line to have my bags checked. I tried to calm her down and told her it was only 4 bucks worth of soap, just through it out if it was that bigga deal. (After all, $4 is a lot easier to deal with then missing my plane because of her annal-retentiveness). She didn't like that idea either, but finally agreed, and after 5 minutes let me through to the gate.

Well, when I first walked into the airport, I came in right at the information kiosk. I went and asked where my gate was, and the lady there said that I would have to go through the security line to find out. So, thinking that there were TV monitors that told me where to go (since I have never been to the airport before), I went trough the above mentioned security fiasco. Once I got to the other side, there were no monitors. I asked someone where they are, and their response was that "all monitors are located on the other side."

Great.

Then I was told to ask the cop. (What would he know, but ok) So I asked the officer, who was enjoying his doughnut and coffee, and shrugged his shoulders. He at least told me that all Southwest flights were down the hall. The most direction I had gotten this entire time. I bet he was a traffic cop before securing our nations air transportation system.

At the end of the terminal, I did find all the Southwest flights, but no gates were marked with flight numbers. They were in the process of doing that. So, I found someone at a desk to ask, who was agitated that I interrupted their story about how "Alicia caused all this drama" on Saturday. Turns out, she didn't know either, but that was her flight (oh. . .goody. . .) so it should be around here somewhere. I rolled my eyes and went to plan "B" -- asking the passengers.

I found a group that was on my flight, and thought that the line we were in was correct. Consequentially, some were in the wrong line, but it all turned out ok.

And, of course, my flight was overbooked, I wasn't quick enough to get to get bumped and received credit, so I got on my way early morning flight to St. Louis. This is where I experienced an air-line first.

The flight was going pretty normal, there was a bunch of turbulence all day, but otherwise, totally fine, until the beverage service. The flight was only about an hour, but while serving drinks, the stewardess went back to get the person next to me some water -- that's when you heard this scream.

Never a good sign when the stewardess screams. Especially when it's followed by "OH MY GOD!," another stewardess running down the isle calling for the head steward, and a passenger going "Is there a doctor or a nurse?!?"

Fortunately, I did not end up wearing my water when it was practically thrown at me -- the guy next to me wasn't as lucky.

Well, amid a bunch of chaos, there were a ton of announcements telling us that we have a medical emergency on board (DUH), to stay clam, stay in our seats, etc etc. The best was when they told us that we needed to keep as quite as possible since they were trying to talk to a hospital on the ground that we may have to prepare for an emergency landing.

Interesting. .. .

Well, about 30 minutes later (I did say this was short flight right?), they announced that we would not be making an emergency landing and that we would be given clearance to land right of way in St. Louis. We were also told that the paramedics and emergency services were waiting for us, so when we stopped to stay in our seats and wait for instructions from the emergency crews once they are on board the plane.

I wish I had a picture of this, but when we landed, there were 3 ambulances, 3 firetrucks, some cops, and a ton of those yellow NTSB emergency trucks all over the tar mack near our gate -- full lights blaring. At least, it was obvious that our gate was going to be E14 in St. Louis. It totally looked like a disaster movie.

Well, once the paramedics got on (BOTH of them) they escorted one guy off. Not carried or helped -- just escorted. About 15 minutes later, we were told that we could deplane. Apparently, what all the commotion was about was that the one guy passed out and had a seizer when he was leaving the bathroom. He landed on a stewardess and was unconscience for most of the time. He seemed fine when he left the plane, so who knows. It did make for an interesting flight thought.

Oh, and did I mention the turbulence? And the 45 year old woman sitting right next to me who was freaking out the whole time? Ummm, yeah.. . .be sure to add those factors in.

Anyway, after a hella long lay over (2 hours -- but St. Louis airport SUCKS!!) I was back on a plane to Dallas via Little Rock. At least I got to check out this really cute doctor the entire time, but that didn't make up for leaving 30 minutes late.

The trip to Little Rock was relatively uneventful -- except I did get to see another stewardess fall in the isle due to the bumpiness. No one was hurt though, and it was all I could do to not laugh.

All in all, getting back to Dallas about an hour late isn't too bad. At least they didn't lose my luggage (yes, I know I carried on, but I wouldn't put it past them. . .).

A Movie Moment

At least once in your life, you are going to experience a Movie Moment. That time in your life where you will describe it as “just like in a movie.” It could be an adventure, a tragedy, a kiss, a friendship, a joke, or anything in between.

I am actually fortunate enough to have several Movie Moments in my life. Here is one:

It was around Thanksgiving, and I think my freshman year in high school. At the time I was attending Alba – Golden, which, if you do not know, is an extremely small school. And it’s in the middle of Nowhereville, East Texas.

Alba is the type of town where everyone knows everyone else. They are in each other’s business, they go to school, work, church, the grocery store, and even the same damn doctor as their neighbor. And, most of the people are all related to each other.

Seen Varsity Blues? Then you get the idea.

Like all schools, Alba – Golden had a school library. And, just like any other school, if the teacher was too busy, or absent, or didn’t want to deal with you, then the whole class got sent there to “research.”

Doing “research” usually meant trying not to get caught doing whatever you were not supposed to be doing, but was more fun than actual research.

This particular day, it there were a few other classes in the library, and, as a result, my entire class had to sit together, at the same table.

The tables we long, wooden, probably been there since the ‘40’s. If they hadn’t been refinished by the shop class every year, then they would have been falling apart. The varnish was the only thing keeping them together, and from looking like they belonged in a dive bar.

Around the table were my 8 classmates. I can’t recall everyone, or all their names, but there was me and my lab partner, the school trouble maker at the end, 3 jocks across from us, and two other “serious” students at the other end.

Of course, the 3 jocks didn’t want to do any work, and since my lab partner and I, plus the slacker were all at the same end, we didn’t get anything done. We spent the whole afternoon joking, playing football with little paper triangles, and trying very hard not to get into any trouble.

I think every time we were going to get called down, we managed to blame it on someone else.

Like I said, I don’t remember who it was, or what exactly was said, but this moment is completely clear in my mind:

In the midst of talking about something at “our” end of the table, one of us had a “light bulb” moment -- that time where, whatever we were talking about, finally clicked. We collectively went, “OOOHHHHH!!!”

Another responded with, ”Thank god. Hallelujah!! You finally get it!!”

And at that moment, as soon as the “it” left his lips, the Hallelujah Chorus came on! And not the part that no one knows, but the loud, powerful, verse that everyone knows. It was surreal.

Silence fell over the room.

A look of disbelief took over everyone’s face. None of us wanted to admit that we were hearing it, at least, not at first. It was definitely a moment when we all were puzzled and seriously questioned our own sanity.

We all sat in the library with a look of shock on our face. Then, once the chorus actually went off, and the song kept playing for a minute or two, we all realized what was going on. Confused as to why, we laughed anyway.

After about 1 ½ minutes, the song finally went off. We all laughed about it some more, then got into trouble for being loud in the library. We relived to moment over and over, talking about our immediate thoughts and each other’s expressions.

Finally, about 5 minutes later, the probably 10^th time everyone in the library got reprimanded for being loud and not getting back to work, the school secretary came over the loud speaker:

“I hate to interrupt again, but I just wanted to say that I’m SO SORRY. I have been practicing for the church’s Christmas Concert, and must have hit the intercom button and didn’t know it. I promise not to practice at work anymore. Again, so sorry to interrupt.”

Again, silence followed by an eruption of laughter.

Only to be interrupted for a 3^rd time by the loud speaker and the school secretary:

“Oh, I forgot to tell ya’ll it’s in two weeks at the 1^st Baptist. Everyone is more than welcome to come!! Ok, sorry again!”

And with that, class should have been over because we didn’t accomplish anything for the rest of the afternoon.

Having a “soundtrack” that afternoon is a memory I’ll never forget. It was just like something out of a movie.

Good Friday

So, the other day I’m at dinner with my dad (Mr. Holyer-than-thou), mom, and my friend Zack.

Just so happens, Mr. and Mrs. I-Don’t-Want-To-Wait-For-Anything-Because-I’m-That-Damned-Important didn’t want to wait in the long line for a table. So I suggested that we sit in the restaurant bar. In this particular place, it also happens to be the only sports bar in the area, so, it’s not just the normal, low-key bar, it’s the local hangout low-key bar. And busy on a Friday Night. Anyway, they thought it the best option, so we took a table in the bar.

Trying to make conversation, instead of just blankly staring at each other in silence like we usually do, or having to hear about how the place is too “loud” or the service is lousy (I did say we were in a bar right?), since we had a “guest” and not have dinner be too awkward, I say “Dad, did you hear -- something horrible happened today!?!”

He looks at me and says, totally serious, expression and all, “Yes, I know what happened. 2003 years ago, they crucified and killed an innocent man.”

Silence.

Ok, so sure, it happened to be Good Friday, that’s true. I don’t know where the 2003 years part came in (I think Dad phases in and out of years from time to time). I didn’t know if he was trying to be a good Aggie Dad, and I should Whoop or not. I mean, after all, wouldn’t Whooping be kinda an insult thing to do after that statement? But since it’s my class year I’m kinda required as an Aggie to Whoop. Either way, I got the point. And I didn’t Whoop.

That, AND WE WERE IN A BAR!! Who says that shit in a BAR?!?! Apparently, my dad. And what the hell am I supposed to say to that?!!?

After a few seconds of expressionless awkward silence, I finally say, “No, something much worse. Coach Billy Gillespie signed with Kentucky instead of A&M?!?!”

Dad, “Who? What does that have to do with anything?”

Me, “Nevermind.”

Zack, “I think I’m gonna get a beer.”

Mom's Attempt At Plumming

"So I dropped the toothpaste cap down the sink, and while I was trying to get it out, I dropped the tweezers in there too. And now it's so far down you can't see them anymore. I don't think using the spoon handle with tacky stuff on it helped either. . . "

College Station Cops

"Today we salute you Mr. College Station Police officer. While Bryan policemen are out catching real criminals, you are out catching underage college students drinking beer. Whether it's on campus or off, you bravely go that extra mile to make sure that every party is stopped before midnight. Yes, you go undercover sporting a beer belly and a receding hairline, you are the picture of justice and law enforcement. While some officers are out there saving lives, you are making the world a more sober place one college student at a time. So go ahead and crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh titan of the tickets, because when someone asks what you do for a living, you can proudly declare, "I bust house parties."

~~Thanx Charlie

The List-Eater ΘΘ

I know it's been a while, but I found this and had to share, the whole thing still cracks me up!!

Today we salute you, Ms. 2005 Cotton Bowl Student Ticket List-eater you stand your ground against the angry masses to get your tickets, because deep down you know you are right. Carefully you stuffed that list in your mouth as if it was coated with chocolate frosting. As others looked on in sheer horror and amazement, you swallowed hard and ruined nights of dedication And even though you carry a few extra pounds, you tossed those concerns aside and devoured that slice of paper fiber goodness.

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Ms. 2005 Cotton Bowl Student Ticket List-eater, because thanks to you, ticket window eight will now forever be remembered as ticket window "ate."

It's good to be an Alumni!!

And, for all you non Ags, Click Here to read about it or do a google search on "listeater."
For the FOX NEWS Archive, Click Here.

Here's the Video -- If you haven't seen it, it's HILARIOUS!!


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